Forgiveness can’t change the Past but it can change the Future

Burying the hatchet. It’s a difficult thing to do, sometimes seemingly impossible. It’s so much easier to hold a grudge and yield to feelings of anger and revenge towards someone.

A few years ago I went through a situation where I was so angry at a friend I didn’t think things would ever be ok again. I prayed and prayed about my attitude and I became convinced that not even God could assuage my anger. One day I was ironing. I literally love to iron! I can’t help but think about how the Lord is perfecting me. He’s putting me through trials that He will use to get out all of the wrinkles in my life. Those wrinkles are all of the places I’m falling short and He takes that hot iron and erases them. Some shirts have a lot more wrinkles than others and it takes more elbow grease to iron those ones. I know the Lord is patiently ironing out the wrinkles in my life and as I iron I think about this! I love to see those crisply ironed shirts hanging on the rack, ready for action again! Anyway, as I was ironing the Lord just whispered to my heart that forgiveness was a choice. I remember setting down that hot iron and just pondering that thought. A choice? Yes a choice that would set me free from the heavy burden in my heart. I knew I couldn’t pretend it didn’t happen but I knew I could smooth out the wrinkle of pain that was between my friend and I. Once we talked and discussed the situation and put it behind us, we both were set free.

I read a study about the benefits of burying the hatchet. Letting go of a grudge can have dramatic and fast acting health benefits.

We have to be willing to empathize, to try and understand the factors that influenced the other person’s behavior. We have to realize we also are guilty of hurting someone and inflicting pain on others without intending to do so.

I think the hardest thing to get over, is that we are expecting the person to change the past! Its impossible to do and yet we somehow expect it to happen before we can forgive. I heard a quote the other day that said, “forgiveness can’t change the past, but it can change the future”. There is tremendous power in those words. We have all sinned and failed and hurt people, do we not expect and desire forgiveness? We have to possess that same attitude when it is us that are wronged.

We have to also replace our bitterness with positive thoughts. We can’t allow ourselves to dwell on the negative situation and become angry about it again. We have to rejoice in forgiveness and not walk away with regret. It’s a terrible thing to not forgive someone and they unexpectedly die and your opportunity is gone forever. I know children who grew up hating a parent and never coming to a place of forgiveness. When that parent passed away, the feelings of regret were much stronger than whatever caused the rift to begin with.

It’s a hard concept for us sometimes to forgive. It requires us to humble ourselves and that is not appealing. However, the freedom that choice of forgiveness brings, is priceless.

Bury the Hatchet