Black Friday Mayhem

There is a good chance that you might get caught up in Black Friday Mayhem.

On Thanksgiving Day, after the meal is finished there is a mad scramble for the gigantic newspaper that is filled with Black Friday ads. It is time to map out our strategy for Black Friday Mayhem shopping! 

It is 3 a.m. When I arrive at Best Buyer to wait in line to purchase that brand new laptop. The first 300 people in line can purchase a laptop for half price. After 2 hours of shivering in the cold and stomping my feet in the snow to relieve the tingling in my toes, the doors finally open. There is a mad rush for the door despite the tidy line we had been maintaining for 2 hours! People mercilessly pushed and shoved to get through the doorway. When I finally reached the building I was told the limit had been reached and the laptops were no longer available.

I angrily returned to my car and turned the heater up full blast. I consulted my schedule and proceeded to Jo Elles where they were giving away free snowman air fresheners. I thought it would make a great stocking stuffer. An unbelivably large crowd had already assembled at the store. I looked in dismay at the unruly crowd and questioned my sanity in this escapade. I decided to tough it out and cautiously approached the line. I was roughly shoved against a pillar and winced at the pain in my leg as it began to swell. As the line inched forward the people became more agitated and I feared a riot was about to take place. A clerk announced from a bull horn that the snowman air freshener supply was now depleted and we could enter the store in an orderly fashion. I turned to go back to my car as my throbbing leg was evidence that trying to get something free wasn’t worth what it was costing me. I searched through my glovebox for aspirin and consulted the schedule.

I carefully exited the parking lot as it had now started to snow heavily. I slowly made my way towards Bullseye where I hoped to purchase a fluffy dog bed that was advertised very reasonably. I pulled into the overcrowded parking lot and began searching for a spot. I spied one two rows over. As I waited to pull into the spot, a car careened around the corner and slid into my spot. I shook my head in disbelief and continued my search. After parking three stores away, I trudged through the now deepening snow towards my destination. The wind was now howling and my leg was in great pain but I was determined to get that dog bed! I retrieved the last available cart and headed for the pet section. A woman ran after me and snatched my cart away saying she saw it first! I grabbed for the cart handle which caused the woman to lose her balance and knock over the christmas tree display. As I fought my way out from underneath the prickly trees I realized the woman had gleefully stolen my cart and I was ready to call it a day.

I returned to my car and prepared to drive home through the now raging blizzard. I arrived home exhausted, in pain and empty handed. I already know my schedule next year for the Black Friday Mayhem, I’m sitting by a blazing fire with a good book!